Confession # 5: I AM BACK and ready to do this!!

So I am sure you noticed I just disappeared for a while. Don’t worry I didn’t fall off the face of the earth! It started with my kids and I all catching really bad colds that seemed to never go away and then just out of nowhere everything became so overwhelming for me! I had total writers block…and to be honest I just have felt depressed and like not wanting to talk to anyone or really talk about everything that’s going on. It wasn’t because I don’t appreciate the support or anything it was just a personal conflict with myself. I had a rough few weeks. I have just had to take the time to just breathe! It has been such a roller coaster with Jaxson and I had gotten so busy taking care of everyone else that I had been neglecting myself and not taking my thyroid medications which results in some crazy mood swings for me…..sorry hunny!! But I am back to taking my meds and have been praying and have just came to the conclusion that Jaxson may have Infantile Spasms but infantile does NOT have Jaxson or this family! I will not let this condition hold us back! We are going to keep praying…keep fighting….and start doing everything we can to raise awareness and let God guide us and watch as his plan unfolds!



I am so glad to be getting over this funk! It just hit me like a ton of bricks! I am still having trouble reading other IS blogs, forums, and information pages. I am finding that if I research too much I start worrying about the could be’s in the future instead of living in the moment with my son and rejoicing every little thing he does! Speaking of while I was gone he rolled over for the first time! I couldn’t of felt more proud and it gave me just the jolt I needed to realize my baby is strong and he is gonna keep fighting! I don’t know why I dwell on his future and worry that if he does end up with brain damage or not being as developed as he should be that people will judge him or treat him different ..I guess it’s the momma bear in me… I just want to protect my baby and I want the best for him! But I know deep inside that the people who matter will love him for who he is and the people that have a problem with it don’t matter! I know God gave this little boy to us for a reason and that he is gonna touch lives and he is going to do great things! All of my babies are a blessing and I don’t know what or who I would be without them..they truly are what keeps me going and the reason I wake up every morning!



Just to update Khy is almost done with her early preschool and I am excited and sad at the same time because she loves it but I am excited for the summer and the activities that we can do! She has come so far with her socialization …the reason we sent her…she doesn’t seem shy at all now! She is such a smarty pants..I love it! I hope she keeps her passion for learning and runs with it! Adelynn has just all the sudden started acting so grown! She is speaking allot more..saying lots of words and even speaking in sentences! She is showing a more of an interest in her brother which is awesome and adores Khylee..they are quite the friends bffs one minute and fighting the next! We have been dealing with food allergies with Addy but they don’t want to test her until she is 2 …so far she is highly allergic to Apples and Pears and has had random breakouts to tomato, blueberries, and things I don’t even know what caused it! She has grown quite independent and is always into things….like the dog food this evening!!! Jaxson has been happy most days but we are still working on his schedule. He hasn’t been a very good sleeper at all! He too seems to have food allergies..pears and carrots! We have had a neurologist appointment recently and learned we will be having to do another hospital stay for an MRI and another 24hour EEG. We are praying we get some answers!! We also had our first appointment with Minot Infant development (Early Intervention) and got all the paper work done…Jax automatically qualifies because of his disorder. We are supposed to get a call back next week for his first appointment where they will assess him and come up with a plan. I am so excited…I really think it will be beneficial to him and us as well!



I have been trying to focus my attention on things to better myself and my family. I am trying to find ways to move forward and keep going! I have started making tons of homemade snacks for my kids….crackers, fruit snacks, fruit and nut bars, healthy cookies…all sorts of things which are not only healthier but make me feel better since we have kiddos with allergies. I can control what goes in them and it will make it easier to pin point what caused the reaction if they have one! I have got to redo my living room and have gotten lots of new kitchen gadgets like my dehydrator …LOVE IT! I even get a spa day this weekend and can NOT wait! I am so excited! I really need this and am so happy my hubby got this for my v-day present! But my most favorite new happening is Jax’s Pin Project! March 26 is Purple Day for Epilepsy Awareness. You are supposed to wear purple to show your support! Anyways in honor of that I have come up with a plan that is for Jaxson but is something I have to admit I desperately need! Ya see I could of just came up with a fundraiser and donated the proceeds to the Epilepsy foundation but luckily for Jaxson he gets not only an awareness day but an awareness week! Infantile Spasms week is sometime in the Oct./Nov. time frame (I will keep you updated as I find out more) so I thought I would wait to fundraise until then because I.S. gets so much less spot light I really want the donations to go to Infantile Spasms Research and families trying to pay these crazy medical bills! Anyways back to my plan! I was thinking of how hard it is to be away from all of our family especially with another hospital stay coming up and how alone we feel at times. So I came up with the idea to make a button/pin and order them and mail them out to anyone who would agree to wear it (and purple!) especially on March 26th and take a picture of themselves wearing it and post it on facebook (make sure to tag me!). My goal is to raise awareness but also to create the biggest support and prayer network possible for Jaxson and our family! I want people to look at the pin and be intrigued to find out about our story…about Epilepsy and Infantile Spams… I hope they will pray for my son and that it will give them a new appreciation for their healthy children/life…that someone who is going through the same thing can benefit in some way… and that they can have the chance to see that our God is an awesome God and that he is creating beautiful blessings to share with the world every day and that miracles do exist! ! I am going to print out all of the pictures and create a collage for him! I am going to hang it so that when we need support or feel alone we can see it and if Jaxson beats this he can look back at how many lives he has touched and how many people supported him but if he is still fighting I know it will bring peace and comfort and strength to him to know that so many people from all walks of life love, support, pray, and care about him! I am hoping that this will turn out amazing and that with all of your love and support and thoughts and prayers we can kick Infantile Spasms BUTT!!



I really love you guys…thank you so much for your understanding! I am going to stick around this time because I really do enjoy sharing our lives with you!

<3 Kessiah

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. "

Psalm 139:14

 

Confession #4: I am not super mom..but I wish I was!

Some people tend to think that when you are a stay at home mom that you should have time to do everything. The reality is (at least for me) that there is never enough time in the day to get everything I need done finished. I got a comment today from a friend on facebook that really made my day....I had posted about how I had been cookin all day and that the kiddos and I were still sick and she said "dude you are like super mom...my hats off to you ma'am". Nobody has ever said that to me but that is what I aspire to be. I wish I could be one of those moms who manages everything perfectly. I dont know if it really egsists but If it does I need a glass of whatever they are drinking! It is really nice to know that someone thinks I am doing a good job even though most the time I feel like I never got enough done for the day. Maybe I am one step closer to figuring out how to balance all the aspects of my crazy beautiful life...err maybe I have just learned to check my hair for cheetos before anyone comes over so it looks that way ;). 




For me things changed when I had Addy. At first it used to really get under my skin when I just didn’t have time to keep the house as perfect as it used to be and I really felt like a failure. I would feel horrible when Rodney came home to a messy house or if he ran out of underwear because I forgot to switch the laundry. It was such a big adjustment for me to go from one child to two especially when Rodney was deployed for the first 4 months of Addy’s life. People always say that once you have two the rest don’t really make a difference or “what’s one more”, but for me Jaxson what just as big of a challenge as Addy…just less emotional and I had Rodney here. I have now got to the point that I try my best and if something doesn’t get finished then it will have to wait till tomorrow. Maybe someday I will get a maid or a laundry fairy…ok I doubt it but I really need to try harder to give myself credit for the things I do get done instead of dwelling on what I didn’t. I feel that as long as my kids (human and furry ones) are well taken care of and have all their needs met, who cares if I don’t get my laundry folded and put up the same day that I wash it! I have learned that I would much rather spend the little extra time that I do have doing special things with my children instead of picking up the stinkin toys that I have stepped on 5 times ,even if it’s as small as sitting at the table and coloring or snuggling while watching a movie. I have learned the toys are going to get drug right back out and my kids are going to grow up and not want anything to do with me before I know it! My mom worked (still works!) a LOT and we didn’t get very much time with her, so for me it’s so important that I get to spend time with my children. I hope they will cherish it as much as I do.




Anyways, We had a boring weekend. Addy, Jax, and I have all been sick with colds…hence the reason I didn’t post all weekend! Sorry guys! Needless to say it wasn’t a very good weekend. My hubby did however surprise me with an early Valentine’s Day present! It was a gift card for a spa day! I truly need this and can’t wait to go! I do however feel bad because he set it in a spot on the bar where he figured I would see it and be surprised but I must of walked past it 5 times and never noticed! He said to me “either you are blind or you are really inconsiderate!” LOL…I guess I am blind or more like frazzled and on a mission! Now to figure out what to get him hmmmmm…





Today however started with a bang or should I say a booommm booom boom! I was woken up from a deep sleep (I don’t sleep hard very often.. must be the cough meds) to Rodney enraged and putting on some pants and then I realized that there was extremely loud music playing. Guess who?? Yep you got it the new neighbors and at 7 a.m.! You see Rodney is very very hard to wake up so for him to be woken up by music of all things it has to be extremely loud…and it was! Rodney ran downstairs and out the front door. I heard the door shut and then minutes later I could hear him yelling so I knew it wasn’t pretty! The loud music went away so I guessed the point was taken. Rodney came back in and told me that he had his car sitting out in the drive way warming up with no one in it and the music just blaring. He said he felt like opening up the door and yanking his stereo out but instead he rang the doorbell and let the poor guy have it. He was by no means nice and Rodney said himself when he sees him next he is probably going to apologize for being so hateful but hopefully the kid got the point. I do feel that he should apologize because he could have handled it better than just flying off the cuff but at the same time we have three small children, we rarely get to go to bed before 2 a.m., and this is like the 5th time in the few days that they have lived there not to mention this is base housing full of families and it’s just plain good ol’ common since to not be that RUDE! I hope that they can learn to be considerate and that we can get along. It will be miserable if we don’t! All I can say is I sure hope our cross training goes as planned and we get moved out of here this summer. With a lot of prayer and a little luck everything will work out.









<3 Kessiah

jumparoo fun

ohhh Adelynn Kate!!

Confession #3: I want my old neighbors back!!

So we finally got new neighbors and they have already made it on our crap list!! I guess we couldn’t of really got that lucky twice…I mean come on we all know how our luck is!! I may be jumping the gun here because we haven’t actually met yet, but who in the heck drives through base housing with their music up so loud that it shakes the pictures on the wall as they drive by?? It’s not like anyone is gonna think you are cool! Even worse though is the fact that said car parks in front of our house in the middle of the night  instead of their own to pull cars in the garage perfectly then sits in the garage with music up so loud that I can understand every word of the song ! All I can say is they are gonna see Rodney’s ugly side real quick if they can’t figure out how to be considerate.

Since we are on the topic of neighbors I have a funny story to share. Rodney was telling me how Khylee ran up to him all excited saying that Cajun, the old neighbor’s dog, had been back home because there was a pile of poop in their backyard. Rodney just explained to her that it was just left there from before they had left and that they had moved and won’t be coming back. Well needless to say Khylee was upset but I wish I could give the old neighbors a high five because they left a perfect house warming present for the new owners!! We will never forget our old neighbors and all they did for us!! I am so glad we became friends. It really made our experience here at Minot so much better. I hope we will get to see you guys soon!! 

On a different note we have had doctor’s appointments this week. Jaxson had a neurologist appointment yesterday and Addy had a well baby today. I will write about them under their update pages as soon as I get the chance. I have one fussy little man that I need to try and get to sleep and Addy is upstairs crying in her bed as well! I think they plan this....

<3 Kessiah

pictures of the day...

all ready for the doctors

happy baby

in new jammies

cheese!!

goodnight hugs!!

Confession # 2: I LIVE WITH A BUNCH OF COFFEE CATS!!

Mommy! Mommmy!  Some days I think that’s all I hear! Well today has just been one of those days. I know there will come a day when I  will miss it but as for now I have no idea how every hair on my head is not either gray or missing.

As I am cooking dinner and getting bubs meds mixed in his baby food little miss Khylee comes in the kitchen with her baby doll, Baby Girl,  and then runs and gets her baby doll’s food and spoon.  She comes over and stands beside me mimicking every move I make. Then in walks Addy with her baby and a fake screw driver she plans to use as her baby’s spoon. She plops her baby doll down right next to Baby Girl and positions herself beside Khy making sure to copy every move, sound, and gesture Khylee makes.  “Hey!” exclaims Khylee, “Quit coffeeing me Addy!” Addy looks at Khylee with a smirk and replies, “coffeeeeeee meee Khyweeeee!” to that Khylee yells, “No! You’re the coffee cat Addy not me!” Then Khy looks at me and asks me who I think the big “coffee cat” is. In response to that I asked her what she was doing and she told me that she was feeding her baby like I was feeding Jaxson.  So I stated that she was copying me and that Addy is copying her because she loves her and wants to be just like her. I explained to her that Addy learns off of copying her and that she learns off of copying me so I guess that makes us all copy cats. She looked down and pouted so I asked her what’s wrong and she says “well daddy doesn’t like cats!” I couldn’t help myself, I had to laugh.  They fight and argue every day. I can only imagine how it’s going to be in the future. First over barbies and toys, next over clothes and boys! No matter what I love my kids and I can never say there was a boring day that’s for sure!

Over all it has been a decent day except for the fact that Jax has a doctor appointment with the neurologist tomorrow. I can’t help but be a little nervous. After all our Journey with I.S. is just beginning because infantile spasms are not actually a diagnosis it is a symptom. So now we start testing and trying to figure out what underlying issue is causing his seizures. We should get back his blood work tomorrow to see if he has any metabolic disorders.  Next will be an MRI but I am not sure if she is going to do that tomorrow or just schedule it. All I can do is just have faith and keep praying.

Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

<3 Kessiah

The coffee cats!

tummy time for bubs

Confession #1: I had a conversation today with my hubby about poop…

Yep! You read that right...poop! I know Romantic right! Ya see Jaxson  was looking like he was having a hard time going to the restroom so I told Rodney and he said he had already changed a poop. So as a concerned mother I asked if it was hard or soft. Rodney replied well it was solid but it wasn’t hard. I wonder what our conversation will be like on Valentine’s Day since we are the epitome of the word romantic!

Taboo as it may be when you become a parent it’s like you sign an unwritten contract of all sorts of things you never thought you would say or do (kind of like the military). I think Rodney and I have been through and said things we never dreamed of saying but having a child with medical needs brings it to an all new level.  It’s been interesting to say the least but at the same time I think it has brought us closer together. Having a sick child adds soo much stress, worry, uncertainty, and not to mention has changed our daily/monthly schedule, I could easily see couples fall apart. But for us this diagnosis has brought all of those things but so much more…faith, love, and appreciation. It has been and still is an adjustment not just for Rodney and me but for the girls as well. I feel like most of my day consists of giving Jax doses of medication (5 to be exact) and the rest is changing diapers, feedings, cleaning, and trying to keep everyone as happy as possible. I am still in the process of getting us on a better schedule and making sure to plan special things for the girls. I know eventual y I will get the hang of it. God doesn’t bless just anyone with a special child so I have faith he will get us through.

We don’t really know what bubby’s future will be like. Statistics say he has only a 10% chance to be “normal”…that is not ending up with mental retardation, cerebral palsy, cognitive disorders, motor disorders, Autism, other forms of epilepsy, and many other problems.  All we know is that bubby is already beating statistics in that he is developing. He is behind and developing slow but he is developing, he is smiling, and he is aware of his surroundings. God is good and he is already showing us that he is in control and that statistics mean nothing. Every smile, every giggle, and every day with one less seizure is a blessing. He will guide us through this and bubby may never be perfect but he is a miracle and God is going to do great things through him. I am truly thankful that I have two amazing men who are heroes in my eyes… One wears diapers and one wears combat boots but both are so strong and brave and both have the girls and my hearts forever. I am equally thankful for my princesses who bring so much love and laughter to a house that needs just that!  

As a first blog I don’t know if talking about poop is appropriate or not but the fact of the matter is it’s our reality. Our life is far from average and it is full of ups and downs but no matter what the things I share with you in this blog are true. I hope you will follow me (us) along on this crazy ride I call my life and can understand the humor and the tragedy that is me! I will get better at writing blogs and I have a few other tabs in the works for other things that I enjoy such as cooking and couponing as well as Jaxson updates , All about the kids, and information for you to read on that explains infantile spasms.  It’s all in the works just be patient with me...I mean come on I am a busy mommy of three! Thank you all for your love and support!

<3 Kessiah